there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
