If i come over, it means nothing
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
