My girlfriend figured out who you are.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
