Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize