**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just gift wrapped bread.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You were trust falling into bushes
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
