my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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