He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize