i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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