glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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