Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
