I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize