I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
