i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
