K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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