Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
