just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
