the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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