bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
