you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
