i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
