He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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