I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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