Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
