you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
