Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
