If that was your dad, he is hot
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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