We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
