Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
