So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize