U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
