hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
