I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
