If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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