Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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