Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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