Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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