you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My vagina just clenched in fear
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
