Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
