you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize