On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
