I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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