my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
