i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
