I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
