# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
