I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
True strength comes from lack of pants
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
