well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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