I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
