I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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