i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
