I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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