Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
