Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
