apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
