Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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