so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
