I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
