I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
