how can u be prego again
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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