Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
