Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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