Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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