i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
