it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
one might say we're banned from that church
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
