someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
