Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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