eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
