he thought i was a dude.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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