After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
