so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
