I just saw a hot homeless man
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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