I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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