hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
