Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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