Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
