So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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