Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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