Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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