One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
