You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
