Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
