Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
