i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i've created a new STD.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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