some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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