"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
